What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
