She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
