What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
