Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
