I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
