Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
