U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
