i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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