I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
