Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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