end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
