He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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