There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize