I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need a beard to bite.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize