Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
