Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have post one night stand depression
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
