I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
