she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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