Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
