i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
