Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
