thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
