maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
