420 ftw
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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