like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He shit in the fireplace
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