its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
