first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
