Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
