are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
