I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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