I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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