I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How does one acquire holy water?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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