last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
