My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
