I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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