my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it was like eating out sand paper
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
