Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
