i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
