Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
