i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
