if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize