Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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