week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
