Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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