You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
