Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
