I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
