my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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