you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
