I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
