ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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