My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize