FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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