I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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