dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
