How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
