Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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