you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
