just come out here and I will go home with you...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
