I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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