U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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